You know writer's block? Well right now I have prayer's block.
I started Lent last week. I love this season in anticipation of Easter. It is not always glamorous, and more often that not I fail and don't keep up with my end of the bargain (I already had a cheat this week). Yet it is a time to recognize our dependence on our Lord and Saviour Jesus Christ, and that is clearly displayed in my human frailty. The thing is, this time I am having trouble "finding" Jesus.
I have adopted some daily habits to turn my dependence to God, but the pressures of this life keep pushing me aside. I read a daily devotion to the kids in the morning, but if they're not eating their breakfast or listening, or we are rushing out the door, the meaning is lost. I try to read my own devotional after they're done, and some days am non-stop interrupted until my coffee is cold and I have tried to re-read the single page devotion 5 times. I try to pray throughout the day, but between breaking up fights, and making snacks, and handling meltdowns, and cleaning the toilets, I sometimes forget. So I rely on my evenings once the kids are in bed... but sometimes my brain is dead tired and keeping focus is hard. Even at church, I rarely get to sit through a service, as I tend to my children, and fill in for Sunday School teachers who are away. Those aren't excuses. I am just saying that it is hard.
I won't give up. I have a longing to reignite that flame and passion for prayer. I just realize that this season in life brings challenges. I share to express that amid the beauty and fun and joy of life, there are hard part too (they don't get showcased as often). I hope to share more of these times throughout this season.
God, grant me grace as I seek you more.