Tough days

I don't often use this blog for personal writing, but lately I have been feeling like this space needs it.  Yes, I want to share the things in life that are beautiful and full of joy, but I also want to share the moments that are difficult and the things that the make the good things even more beautiful (the challenges!).  So here is one from the heart, just for you.

It's not a stretch to say that becoming a parent has been one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Not only did we face challenges in becoming parents, but the transition to parenting twin infants was such a shock.  We really didn't know what hit us for months to come.  Close to a year we really settled into our "new" life and I expected it would get easier.  But then we came to toddler-hood. 

Oh. My. Goodness.  They ("they" being the books, my friends with kids, society in general) did NOT prepare me for the up and down roller coaster of parenting toddlers.  It is a wild ride, not for the faint of heart.

On one hand, the boys are learning so much every day and it is the most incredible thing to see them grow and change drastically all the time.  My husband and I keep saying to each other, "They are not little babies anymore.  They really are little people."  I love the topic of child development and right now is such a fascinating time.  On the other hand, they are at that age where they are testing limits left, right and center.  And my, is it exhausting!  Add to that the fact that they are both walking (okay, running - two different directions mostly) and they want to explore, but they don't know their own limits and safety has to be monitored 24/7.  Plus they only want to run away and do what I tell them not to, except for the minute when I want to sit down and have a break and then they whine and cling and need me and don't leave me alone...

You get the point?  This is a crazy time.  I thought that I had adjusted to my loss of freedom when they were little and I literally spent all day feeding, rocking, putting to sleep.  But this is different.  It is hard to get anything done.  And if you know me, all I want in life is to get things done. ;)

I love it.  But at times it frustrates me.  And then I feel guilty for feeling frustrated.  So I ramp up to try again.  And then I love it.  And then it frustrates me.  And then I feel bad.  I guess the twins aren't the only ones on a roller coaster of emotions these days. 

I'm learning how to manage this challenge, as I do each new stage that comes my way.  Sometimes I get it and celebrate.  And sometimes I fail.  But I think it's okay.

At the end of the day, I look at my plastic toy-filled home, I wash sippy cup after sippy cup, I cut up grapes and apples into small pieces for the next day... and I feel like this is just how it was meant to be.