The Thirties

Spoiler alert: In a few weeks it is my birthday.
 I don't mention this to solicit happy greetings, but because this led me to think about what it's like to be in my thirties.  After this birthday, I'll be on the slope to 40...  

I remember turning 30 and it really wasn't so bad.  At that point we didn't have children and really wanted children, so that was my only feeling of regret, but I still felt young.  But a few years before I turned 30 I remember looking at people in their mid-thirties, and thinking they were so much older than me.  It didn't matter if they were parents of young kids, or pre-teens, or whether they had any children at all.  They dressed older, they acted older, they seemed to have things like mortgages and investments and careers all in order.  They possessed a maturity that I didn't feel I had, nor did I want while I was still in my twenties.  

Now, I am approaching the middle of being thirty... and suddenly I feel like I am on the other side of the divide.  I no longer feel that youthfulness that I did a few years ago.  I'm not saying I feel old... no, not at all.  But I do feel past a point of no return in some way.  Does anyone know this feeling?  

Suddenly I'm more conscious of weight loss and skin care and healthy eating.  A few months ago I had my first ever girl talk with a friend about skin changes and wrinkles and anti-aging.  It's not just the physical aspects, but I feel like I'm entering the "middle" phase of my life.  I can't shop at the same stores I used to... some of them just seem too "young" for me.  I even went through my wardrobe and had to cull the clothes that aren't for 30-ish year old women to wear.  I expect kids to see me as a "Mrs." now, and not a "Miss."  I'm just.... more of a woman than ever before.  This transition is not so much scary, as it is kind of shocking.  Most of the time, I still feel like that 20-year old college kid who thinks she can do anything.  And yet, I can see how I am not that person anymore too.  I look back on the way that I thought about life in my 20s and I realize that my perspective has changed SO much! 

The thirties for me have been a huge time of growth and development of who I am as a person.  I thought I got a lot of that over in my twenties, and I don't know if it is just the addition of kids, but I feel like I have changed a lot more in the past years than ever.  This, of course, has brought changes and challenges in marriage, work, family, and all the spheres of my life.  It's not all been comfortable growth, but I hope that it is good growth.  

Now, when I look ahead, I see couples in their forties and they have this sense of settledness and comfortability with each other.  The family pieces seem to fall into a rhythm and there is greater capacity for growth and movement in career and hobbies.  I think that with 40 comes a sigh and a sense of peace with who you are and what your life is.

That's what I'm aiming for.